Socks are a plague upon the house.

No one item is more frequently left out on the floor, none more widely discarded in locations all across our home, than socks. Peeled off, slipped out of, dropped in place, flung across the room, left alone, left out, put down, balled up, draped along the thin armrest of a chair.

HILLBILLY HONK-HONK BY ERIC BARNES 34THPARALLEL MAGAZINE ISSUE 31

The kids’ habit of wearing socks outside is evidence of, I am sure, a total failure of parenting. I find myself thinking that Nora and I must have forgotten to explain to the children that socks aren’t a form of outdoor footwear. Silently I worry that the kids don’t even understand the difference between shoes and socks. I worry that this lack of understanding extends to other items of clothing. Shirts versus shorts. Pants versus underwear.

Maybe they just don’t know.

Maybe, every morning, they confront the items of clothing in their closets and drawers with total befuddlement and confusion.

I’m moving through these thoughts as I watch all four kids…