I’m just a money machine.

“D-a-a-d,” she croons, in a voice that is as dulcet and sweet as confectioner’s sugar.

PATERFAMILIAS FOR THE NEW MILLENNIUM BY STEVEN MCBREARTY34THPARALLEL MAGAZINE ISSUE 68

My role as paterfamilias has devolved into one simplified, streamlined process—buying things. The former, multifaceted roles I once played—companion, mentor, guide, protector, fall guy, comic relief—have become vestigial appendages, like tonsils. 

Now I’m just a money machine (albeit with a low daily withdrawal limit).