But we keep going, right?
Through the nightmares, the fake smiles and laughs, we keep going, because the alternative is just letting them win.
EVERY MINUTE, EVERY HOUR BY EVAN LITTLE 34THPARALLEL MAGAZINE ISSUE 99
I run through my mental bullet points. Look into their eyes. Smile, not too much. Shake hands, not too hard. Yes sir, yes ma’am. Thank you, no thank you.
Waiting in front of the house, I keep my head down low, a pencil tucked next to my baseball cap so I look less threatening and more professional. Like I’m supposed to be here for work instead of whatever else the neighbors may be afraid of.
The thought of a neighbor is so anxiety-inducing that my breathing turns shallow. Ground yourself, Liam. I fight off the negative thoughts.
Everything in this neighborhood is so clean, so put-together and organized. My rusted pickup looks alien.
The front door opens and Heather waves to come inside. She’s a model of perfection, pants neatly pressed, a matching blouse, and a smile that almost reaches the single diamond earrings. I smile back, keeping my mouth closed to hide my yellowing teeth. Not too wide, I look crazy when I smile too wide. Not too long, either.
Did I wave back? I throw my hand in the air, and grab a toolbag from the back of the truck.
“You look like you’ve already been working,” she says, nodding at my wet T-shirt, soaked through at the chest and armpits.
“Global warming,” I say, laughing a little to hide the tremble in the back of my throat. Deep, even breaths. In for four, out for four.
“Do you want some coffee? Water?”
“No, that’s OK, already had a few cups.” Good, a normal response.
“Well then, I’ll drink enough for the both of us,” she says, laughing as she fills her cup. “So you’re finishing the doors today, right? And then that’s it?”
“Yup, I’ll be finishing the doors and doing a few of the touch-ups you pointed out yesterday. Before I leave, we can go through everything again if you’d like.”
I do my best to sound professional, picturing imaginary check marks as I move through the mental list. Don’t talk too loud. Keep looking in her eyes, but look away every so often, don’t stare. Keep smiling.