Being the perfect mother isn’t all that hard.

Books for new mothers will tell you that you need a ton of stuff. You can agonize over what brand diapers, cloth versus disposable, or whether to wear your newborn in a sling or let her cry it out in the crib, but none of that matters because you will be judged for whatever choices you make anyway. All you really need is a good bottle of wine.

THE PERFECT MOTHER BY KATHERINE BROWN 34THPARALLEL MAGAZINE ISSUE 102

Being the perfect mother isn’t all that hard. Everyone will give you advice and all you have to do is listen to it and follow it no matter how contradictory it is. (For now do one thing. Make a big pot of gumbo to freeze. Later on you won’t remember how to create a roux.)

In the perfect mother production phase(aka delivery) the main thing to remember is that you’re not going to die, probably. Just make it home with the baby.

Books for new mothers will tell you that you need a ton of stuff. You can agonize over what brand diapers, cloth versus disposable, or whether to wear your newborn in a sling or let her cry it out in the crib, but none of that matters because you will be judged for whatever choices you make anyway.

All you really need is a good bottle of wine.