All I knew was that I wanted out of there.

I had wanted to reach out, had in fact felt drawn to these women who shared their opinions about everything from breakfast menus to cultural gaps in their marriages, mountains which were insurmountable, yet dealt with and lived with every day. I crossed the threshold into being an active member, but still felt an outsider on the fringes.

THE FRINGES BY KAREN BREMER MASUDA 34THPARALLEL MAGAZINE ISSUE 04

It would be impossible to define ‘loveless’ for this survey,” she paused for what I thought might be dramatics, but it was actually for a sip of coffee. “In fact it would be difficult to define ‘sexless’ for that matter, for what it could mean to all the different women taking this survey.”

All I knew was that I wanted out of there. The walls of this coffee shop were starting to feel confining and I was more worried about Erika, who was on her way home from soccer practice right at this minute, in this terrible weather.

“Thanks for helping me out here, Laura.” Karen was after all a very reasonable woman and had tuned into my lack of attentiveness which immediately made me feel embarrassed and guilty.

‘I’m sorry, Karen, but I have to go. I’m worried about Erika riding her bicycle home in this downpour, with this wind.” I motioned toward the window, where the banner advertising the fall special of sweet potato pies and muffins was being blown sideways from its vertical position. “I’ll collect the data and send it to you. Here’s my share.” I laid the money down as gently as I could; being abrupt would seem rude, which wasn’t my intention. I smiled and she smiled and I left feeling deflated. It was the flip side to what I had felt arriving here and meeting Karen for this ‘discussion’. It was exciting to get out and be of some use to the group I had been on the fringes of for so long. I had made known my usefulness in my shy introduction to the website only a month ago, up until which I had been a happy silent lurker.